Autumn and everything in it.

Summer is over, and my junior year of college has begun.  Much to my dismay, I just turned 20, and as it turns out, most of my friends are 21, or turning 21 fairly soon, making me the faithful DD for the duration of this year.  There is nothing better than compliments received at 2 in the morning in front of Dempsey's.  "Emily, your hair is so pretty.  ALL. THE. TIME."  "It's soooooo nice you picked us up, because now when I go back to get my car in the morning, there'll be a coupon on my windshield for a free burger or shot or something!  Woohoo!"

I also love my schedule for this semester.  Intro to French is wonderful, because as much as I struggle, I love that I am actually learning something new.  I find the cultural aspect of it much more interesting than the actual language.  Did you know most French businesses give all employees five weeks of paid time off every year?

Advanced Media Writing is fabulous, because it gives me a chance to do what I do best, write and edit.  My favorite class period to date was last week when we got to analyze leads to stories that were actually printed in the Forum.  It gave me a chance to rip apart the terrible writing they mass produce, as well as correct it the way I would like to see them publish it.

I have mixed feelings about Communication Analysis.  Somedays I think it's going to be an incredibly easy class, and other days I feel like this is going to be the class that I struggle with most.  My group research project is going to be interesting.  My group and I are looking for a correlation between cell phone use and relationship success, to see if availability of constant communication helps or hurts relationships.  I'm excited to start in on it.  All of the prep work we've been doing in class so far is incredibly boring, and our classroom is stifling hot, making it nearly impossible to take notes of levels and types of measurements. :/

Communication Law originally started out as my least favorite class, but it's slowly working its way into my heart.  I'd say right now it's somewhere in my right ventricle.  Interesting topic for the day:  Can First Amendment rights hold true to publishing companies when a book they produced may have played a major role in a murder?  Case in point: today we watched a video on a triple murder of a handicapped boy, his mother, and his nurse, carried out by a hit man his estranged father hired, so that he could gain access to his son's $2 million trust fund given to him by the children's hospital when a breathing tube came dislodged, paralyzing him.  I don't need to go into logistics of the case, all that needs to be said is that when the hit man's home was searched by police, they uncovered a book entitled Hit Man: A Technical Manual for Independent Contractors, which is a detailed how-to manual, published by Paladin Press, providing information to successfully carry out a hit.  Excerpts of the book were read to us by our professor, and they were truly chilling.  He then went on to tell us that the book wasn't written by an ex-green beret or someone with experience in this, but a single mother living in Florida.  To me, it doesn't matter who wrote it.  Even if this mother was just trying to support her child, who did she think her intended audience was going to be?  She wrote under the pseudonym Rex Ferel, meaning "King of beasts" in Latin.  Clearly she was aware of the power and controversy this book could cause.  When the president of the publishing company was questioned in court, he admitted to not caring what the consequences of publishing a book like this could have.  After much debate, and a switch decision in court, it was decided that First Amendment rights did not apply to this book.  We then had a short class discussion on this that left me itching to discuss it further.  Anyone who wants to take me up on this offer can feel free :)

I am so glad I am in choir again.  I have missed singing so much.

If I didn't want to graduate in four years, I think I would take a 100-level class in every subject offered.  I love learning.  Knowledge is power.

The future is looking awfully exciting, as I begin to prepare to study abroad in Australia next fall, and the probability that I can intern with the Star Tribune this summer is looking up.

On a less educational note, fall TV premiere time has got to be my favorite time of year. 

Oh, Canada...

So last night Jacob and I embarked on a camping adventure at KOA.  We successfully pitched a tent, and moved the picnic table and fire pit.  We did have to make a quick trip back to civilization to pick up batteries for the boom box because I bought the wrong ones, and I spent 5 minutes and 14 seconds inside Target getting the correct size.  Back at the camp site, we made a fire by continually pouring charcoal lighter fluid over pine and bits of newspaper for an hour.  I ended up eating a cold hotdog in a bun.  Later we went to ask our seemingly friendly Canadian neighbors for help.  They showed us a little trick involving a cardboard egg carton, paraffin wax, and wood shavings, and the father even chopped our wood for us with a sterling silver ax.  Once the fire was going, he brought the entire fam over to our sat where we sat around and watched the flames change color due to some cool Canadian pine cones.  Then they were off to end their night with "boards games, and then bed."  Ours would end with wine and creepers, and a jaunt through the site in our snuggies.  At 6 AM, Jacob woke me up to look at the bunnies under his car, it started to rain, and Jacob went to take a shower. Upon his return, he was ready to leave, so he took off the rain cover and poured water all over me, and then pulled the blankets out from under me while singing "Colors of the Wind."  Not my best morning.  We ended the trip with breakfast at Perkins, and the realization that those Canadians could have axed us last night in our sleep, and thrown our remains into the woods.

Tonight, we toga.

I wish I was as accomplished as ***.

It's official.  I took the week of August 16-23 off from both my jobs with the hopes of salvaging some fun out of summer.  Hopefully this mini vacation will consist of a lake trip, camping, and a trip to the cities.  Either that, or it will consist of me lying in my bed for an entire week.  I am still paranoid that the latter will be the case.

My anxiety level has been quite high lately-not healthy.  I know that it stems from my dad being sick, the fact that I am working two jobs, one of which starts very early in the morning, and shady people, and that some of it is just self-induced.  Whatevs.

Lunch with Gretchen at Huhot tomorrow!  Can't wait.  So glad I am only scheduled until noon tomorrow.

I cannot wait to have my friends from Trollwood back.  Like seriously.

So glad Monday night happened... For so many reasons.

*** is Dumbledore!

Confessions

1.  I love college.  The independence and rigorous curriculum is what I have been craving since 10th grade.  I just wish someone would have told me how much summer after high school would suck.  I thought the summer after junior year was bad, when I didn't do Trollwood and worked 20-25 hours a week at Sunmart.  I now work upwards of 55 hours a week and try to be in bed 11 PM every night.  My plan is to take a week off from both my jobs in August to just relax, have fun, and spend time with people.  My fear is that I will take off a week where no one will be available to do ANYTHING and I'll just sit alone in my apartment wishing I was working.

2.  I am a compulsive worrier.

3.  I have spent too much of my time trying to hold on to a few certain people, and every time I think I'm better off without them,  I get incredibly sad and pray that they still want me in their lives, and grovel my way back to them, only to let myself down again.

4.  A large part of my obsession with the material part of marriage (i.e. the wedding ceremony) is due to my fear that my dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle.  I never thought he wouldn't be there, but one of the first things I thought of when I found out he was sick was, "Will he be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding?" 

5.  My dad is my hero.

6.  One of the worst things about being "the funny one", is that I feel like I can never be sad.  I would love to confide in my friends about some of the things that cross my mind, but I feel like I would be a burden.  It's better for me to just paste on a smile and whip out the sarcasm, and tell all my feelings to a piece of paper that can't offer feedback.

7.  I don't care how young this makes me sound, I wish I had a best friend.  As much as I hate to label my friends, I would love to have a #1, someone who I know would be there 100% of the time.  Sadly, I'm trapped in this mindset that I care more about all my friends than they do about me.  Sorry.

8.  I miss performing more than anything in the world.  Whenever I go to a play or a muscial, I sit through the entire thing and leave feeling incredibly jealous.  Sorry if I never look enthused during curtain call, I'm just wallowing in my jealousy.  Besides academics, performance of any kind was the one other thing I felt I excelled at, and felt 100% confident doing.  I feel like I've become so boring, and all I do is work.

9.  There are some things I wish I could confess, but I am afraid of who will actually read this.  I am a compulsive worrier.

10.  I also wanted this list to be at an even 10, but I'm drawing a blank right now, except for confessing that the future both excites and terrifies me, but I feel like that is an assumed emotion that is shared by many.  Oh, here's one: I wish my poetry wouldn't suck so much.

Proofread

skim the pages

soak in the detail

glance over me

a fragment of the sentence

and incomplete idea

incorrect

you try so hard to fix me

but the words don't seem to fit

and improper grammar is such a turn-off

Maybe they're so awful because the only time I feel compelled to write poetry lately is behind my counter at Herbergers.  The bras don't exactly scream 'inspiration'.

Let it be

I expect too much from people.  Just because I would do anything for the people I care about doesn't mean they are willing to do the same.  I don't even ask for that much, just an hour here, an hour there... Apparently that's too much to ask.  My bad.

As happy as I can be with the way things are going for me lately, someone around me is always making me feel insignificant.  I honestly feel like sometimes I would be completely content with just packing up and moving out of here and never communicating with anyone from my past again.  

Relationships between people change.  I wish I had an easier time accepting that.  I think I just let myself get too attached.

What a week.

My icon has died, and with him, so has my childhood.  Sometimes I feel a little silly, because I am so incredibly sad about the loss of Michael Jackson.  I didn't know him, but I have spent 20 years being influenced by his music and his message.  I guess that's reason enough to mourn.  Cody and I made t-shirts to remember him by.

I truly love living downtown.  It's so easy to find a good adventure, and one only has to walk about a block to do it.

I have just about the easiest job in the world, but taking 40 6 and 7 year olds to any public place is just asking for trouble.  Whoever decided that age group would enjoy three hours at a Redhawks game in 90 degree heat where they couldn't play on the playground and could only go to the concession stand once is clearly delusional.  The pool is a more kid-friendly environment, but the minute we get in the water, I have 10 kids all clinging to me saying, "Take me to the deep end!"  They don't understand why all 10 of us can't go at the same time without drowning.

Ah, sweet summertime...

Children

Sometimes my job makes me really excited to be a mom.  Other times it makes me want to rip out my uterus and stomp on it.

The people living in the apartment above me sometimes have squeaky bed sex.  Part of me wants to slip a note under their door telling them, because maybe they aren't aware.