lovelovelove.

So, it's been a while since I have updated this bitch.  Considering I have nothing better to do at midnight, I may as well update the masses on my exciting life.

I'm at a really good place in my life right now.  Really good.  I am constantly surrounded by good people, a supportive family, and a plethora of opportunity.  It feels like things are finally starting to fall into place since I began my college journey.  

In recent months, I have found myself in the company of new people with whom I really enjoy spending my time.  I never would have seen myself here a few months ago.  I have not forgotten my old friends, and it's nice that I can comfortably merge my two worlds.  It saddens me that come September, some of my favorites will be leaving me to begin their own college endeavors.  So many of them are like little sisters to me (though none will replace my own baby sister.  These are the little sisters that are interested in the same things as me, though), but I am so excited to watch them take this next step in their lives.  It's crazy to think of where our little Trollwood group will be in a couple of years.  We've all grown up so much.

The older I get, the closer I get to my family.  I suppose that's kind of expected, but it's nice to know it is possible, especially because I was such a little brat in high school.

I am almost finished with my junior year of college.  I will officially be graduating in a year(!)-exciting and terrifying at the same time.  I landed a summer internship with the High Plains Reader.  Even though my original plan was to intern outside of Fargo, I am really excited to begin this.  I'm going to get an opportunity to write, edit, shoot, and attend writing workshops outside of Fargo.  This is a chance to get my name out there.  While my goal is still ultimately to teach, I do want to do some freelancing, and I'm not going to completely let go of my youthful dream to host a talk show just yet.

I see color with my eyes shut.

Back to reality.  Classes started on Tuesday and while it's refreshing to have a set schedule yet again, it was quite a shock getting my body out of the carefree nature of break and back to a schedule where going to bed at 5 AM and waking up at 1 PM is simply not feasible.  

Break in and of itself was quite enjoyable.  Most of my time was spent the male gender holding meetings of Late-Night Sled Club, bowling, playing video games, going to movies, watching Millionaire Matchmaker and My Big Redneck Wedding at Marc's house and eating his food, and smoking hookah.

This semester is nice, albeit busy already.  Monday, Wednesday, and Friday consist of 4 straight hours of class from 10-2, and work from 230-6.  Starting next week, Monday nights will consist of final edits for the Spectrum, and Wednesday nights Lambda Pi Eta meets.  It's my goal to be a better member this semester and actually attend more than one meeting.  Tuesdays and Thursdays are a little more lax as I only have class from 10-1215 and then work from 230-6.  The way I see it, this is my last semester to actually have fun.  Next year will consist of a schedule full of journalism/comm. management classes, an internship, hopefully a TA position with Dr. Nelson, my capstone class, taking the GRE and applying for grad schools.

It seems like a lot of people left for Christmas Break being 20, and came back to school magically 21.

Anyone looking for papers, college essays, etc. to be edited can send them as an attachment to me at emily.henrikson.1@ndsu.edu, and I will gladly edit your work and offer suggestions.  I honestly get a natural high from correcting poor grammar and fixing sentence structure.

I like to think that I could easily take Chelsea Handler's place when she dies or retires, whichever comes first.

I absolutely love Kate Miller-Heidke.  Currently my favorite female singer/songwriter.

Life as of late...

Life has taken an interesting turn lately.  So far, this is turning out to be my favorite year of college, despite that this semester has been incredibly trying for a variety of reasons, especially as of late.  

My dad had surgery on September 29, and while it was a successful surgery, it's been really difficult to deal with.  I have come to dread visiting my parents' house, just because it's impossible to tell whether my dad is going to be having a good day or a bad day.  It's painful to watch someone I thought was invincible be so weak and in so much pain.

It seems like I am constantly surrounded by people my age who are engaged.  I'm in no rush to get married, but I can't help but feel that I am missing out on something.

I also can't get over how incredibly sad and nostalgic I have felt lately, about almost everything.  I think the feeling has more or less passed by now, but things were rough for a while.  I am very aware that I didn't handle my feelings in a way that was intelligent or constructive, but it was fun for the most part.

Do you ever have a feeling about something in your future, and the feeling is so strong that there's no doubt in your mind that THIS WILL HAPPEN?  I've been having that feeling lately, and it is so hard to disregard it.

The longer I work with children, the more excited I get to become a mom someday.  I feel like this is a sign that I am growing up, because when I used to think of children my first thoughts were something like, "What the fuck would I do with them? 'Go play in traffic honey, Mommy's on Facebook,'" and now my thoughts are more like, "I can't wait to have children because I want to teach them and enrich them, and they also better be cute and talented."

I am anticipating Thanksgiving break more than ever before.  I don't think I've ever needed a break from school so badly.  Also, I have a lot to be thankful for.

Autumn and everything in it.

Summer is over, and my junior year of college has begun.  Much to my dismay, I just turned 20, and as it turns out, most of my friends are 21, or turning 21 fairly soon, making me the faithful DD for the duration of this year.  There is nothing better than compliments received at 2 in the morning in front of Dempsey's.  "Emily, your hair is so pretty.  ALL. THE. TIME."  "It's soooooo nice you picked us up, because now when I go back to get my car in the morning, there'll be a coupon on my windshield for a free burger or shot or something!  Woohoo!"

I also love my schedule for this semester.  Intro to French is wonderful, because as much as I struggle, I love that I am actually learning something new.  I find the cultural aspect of it much more interesting than the actual language.  Did you know most French businesses give all employees five weeks of paid time off every year?

Advanced Media Writing is fabulous, because it gives me a chance to do what I do best, write and edit.  My favorite class period to date was last week when we got to analyze leads to stories that were actually printed in the Forum.  It gave me a chance to rip apart the terrible writing they mass produce, as well as correct it the way I would like to see them publish it.

I have mixed feelings about Communication Analysis.  Somedays I think it's going to be an incredibly easy class, and other days I feel like this is going to be the class that I struggle with most.  My group research project is going to be interesting.  My group and I are looking for a correlation between cell phone use and relationship success, to see if availability of constant communication helps or hurts relationships.  I'm excited to start in on it.  All of the prep work we've been doing in class so far is incredibly boring, and our classroom is stifling hot, making it nearly impossible to take notes of levels and types of measurements. :/

Communication Law originally started out as my least favorite class, but it's slowly working its way into my heart.  I'd say right now it's somewhere in my right ventricle.  Interesting topic for the day:  Can First Amendment rights hold true to publishing companies when a book they produced may have played a major role in a murder?  Case in point: today we watched a video on a triple murder of a handicapped boy, his mother, and his nurse, carried out by a hit man his estranged father hired, so that he could gain access to his son's $2 million trust fund given to him by the children's hospital when a breathing tube came dislodged, paralyzing him.  I don't need to go into logistics of the case, all that needs to be said is that when the hit man's home was searched by police, they uncovered a book entitled Hit Man: A Technical Manual for Independent Contractors, which is a detailed how-to manual, published by Paladin Press, providing information to successfully carry out a hit.  Excerpts of the book were read to us by our professor, and they were truly chilling.  He then went on to tell us that the book wasn't written by an ex-green beret or someone with experience in this, but a single mother living in Florida.  To me, it doesn't matter who wrote it.  Even if this mother was just trying to support her child, who did she think her intended audience was going to be?  She wrote under the pseudonym Rex Ferel, meaning "King of beasts" in Latin.  Clearly she was aware of the power and controversy this book could cause.  When the president of the publishing company was questioned in court, he admitted to not caring what the consequences of publishing a book like this could have.  After much debate, and a switch decision in court, it was decided that First Amendment rights did not apply to this book.  We then had a short class discussion on this that left me itching to discuss it further.  Anyone who wants to take me up on this offer can feel free :)

I am so glad I am in choir again.  I have missed singing so much.

If I didn't want to graduate in four years, I think I would take a 100-level class in every subject offered.  I love learning.  Knowledge is power.

The future is looking awfully exciting, as I begin to prepare to study abroad in Australia next fall, and the probability that I can intern with the Star Tribune this summer is looking up.

On a less educational note, fall TV premiere time has got to be my favorite time of year. 

Oh, Canada...

So last night Jacob and I embarked on a camping adventure at KOA.  We successfully pitched a tent, and moved the picnic table and fire pit.  We did have to make a quick trip back to civilization to pick up batteries for the boom box because I bought the wrong ones, and I spent 5 minutes and 14 seconds inside Target getting the correct size.  Back at the camp site, we made a fire by continually pouring charcoal lighter fluid over pine and bits of newspaper for an hour.  I ended up eating a cold hotdog in a bun.  Later we went to ask our seemingly friendly Canadian neighbors for help.  They showed us a little trick involving a cardboard egg carton, paraffin wax, and wood shavings, and the father even chopped our wood for us with a sterling silver ax.  Once the fire was going, he brought the entire fam over to our sat where we sat around and watched the flames change color due to some cool Canadian pine cones.  Then they were off to end their night with "boards games, and then bed."  Ours would end with wine and creepers, and a jaunt through the site in our snuggies.  At 6 AM, Jacob woke me up to look at the bunnies under his car, it started to rain, and Jacob went to take a shower. Upon his return, he was ready to leave, so he took off the rain cover and poured water all over me, and then pulled the blankets out from under me while singing "Colors of the Wind."  Not my best morning.  We ended the trip with breakfast at Perkins, and the realization that those Canadians could have axed us last night in our sleep, and thrown our remains into the woods.

Tonight, we toga.

I wish I was as accomplished as ***.

It's official.  I took the week of August 16-23 off from both my jobs with the hopes of salvaging some fun out of summer.  Hopefully this mini vacation will consist of a lake trip, camping, and a trip to the cities.  Either that, or it will consist of me lying in my bed for an entire week.  I am still paranoid that the latter will be the case.

My anxiety level has been quite high lately-not healthy.  I know that it stems from my dad being sick, the fact that I am working two jobs, one of which starts very early in the morning, and shady people, and that some of it is just self-induced.  Whatevs.

Lunch with Gretchen at Huhot tomorrow!  Can't wait.  So glad I am only scheduled until noon tomorrow.

I cannot wait to have my friends from Trollwood back.  Like seriously.

So glad Monday night happened... For so many reasons.

*** is Dumbledore!

Confessions

1.  I love college.  The independence and rigorous curriculum is what I have been craving since 10th grade.  I just wish someone would have told me how much summer after high school would suck.  I thought the summer after junior year was bad, when I didn't do Trollwood and worked 20-25 hours a week at Sunmart.  I now work upwards of 55 hours a week and try to be in bed 11 PM every night.  My plan is to take a week off from both my jobs in August to just relax, have fun, and spend time with people.  My fear is that I will take off a week where no one will be available to do ANYTHING and I'll just sit alone in my apartment wishing I was working.

2.  I am a compulsive worrier.

3.  I have spent too much of my time trying to hold on to a few certain people, and every time I think I'm better off without them,  I get incredibly sad and pray that they still want me in their lives, and grovel my way back to them, only to let myself down again.

4.  A large part of my obsession with the material part of marriage (i.e. the wedding ceremony) is due to my fear that my dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle.  I never thought he wouldn't be there, but one of the first things I thought of when I found out he was sick was, "Will he be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding?" 

5.  My dad is my hero.

6.  One of the worst things about being "the funny one", is that I feel like I can never be sad.  I would love to confide in my friends about some of the things that cross my mind, but I feel like I would be a burden.  It's better for me to just paste on a smile and whip out the sarcasm, and tell all my feelings to a piece of paper that can't offer feedback.

7.  I don't care how young this makes me sound, I wish I had a best friend.  As much as I hate to label my friends, I would love to have a #1, someone who I know would be there 100% of the time.  Sadly, I'm trapped in this mindset that I care more about all my friends than they do about me.  Sorry.

8.  I miss performing more than anything in the world.  Whenever I go to a play or a muscial, I sit through the entire thing and leave feeling incredibly jealous.  Sorry if I never look enthused during curtain call, I'm just wallowing in my jealousy.  Besides academics, performance of any kind was the one other thing I felt I excelled at, and felt 100% confident doing.  I feel like I've become so boring, and all I do is work.

9.  There are some things I wish I could confess, but I am afraid of who will actually read this.  I am a compulsive worrier.

10.  I also wanted this list to be at an even 10, but I'm drawing a blank right now, except for confessing that the future both excites and terrifies me, but I feel like that is an assumed emotion that is shared by many.  Oh, here's one: I wish my poetry wouldn't suck so much.

Proofread

skim the pages

soak in the detail

glance over me

a fragment of the sentence

and incomplete idea

incorrect

you try so hard to fix me

but the words don't seem to fit

and improper grammar is such a turn-off

Maybe they're so awful because the only time I feel compelled to write poetry lately is behind my counter at Herbergers.  The bras don't exactly scream 'inspiration'.