My dad had surgery on September 29, and while it was a successful surgery, it's been really difficult to deal with. I have come to dread visiting my parents' house, just because it's impossible to tell whether my dad is going to be having a good day or a bad day. It's painful to watch someone I thought was invincible be so weak and in so much pain.
It seems like I am constantly surrounded by people my age who are engaged. I'm in no rush to get married, but I can't help but feel that I am missing out on something.
I also can't get over how incredibly sad and nostalgic I have felt lately, about almost everything. I think the feeling has more or less passed by now, but things were rough for a while. I am very aware that I didn't handle my feelings in a way that was intelligent or constructive, but it was fun for the most part.
Do you ever have a feeling about something in your future, and the feeling is so strong that there's no doubt in your mind that THIS WILL HAPPEN? I've been having that feeling lately, and it is so hard to disregard it.
The longer I work with children, the more excited I get to become a mom someday. I feel like this is a sign that I am growing up, because when I used to think of children my first thoughts were something like, "What the fuck would I do with them? 'Go play in traffic honey, Mommy's on Facebook,'" and now my thoughts are more like, "I can't wait to have children because I want to teach them and enrich them, and they also better be cute and talented."
I am anticipating Thanksgiving break more than ever before. I don't think I've ever needed a break from school so badly. Also, I have a lot to be thankful for.
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